Scientists conducting federally-funded research have uncovered secrets of Hell, according to an article in the October 2012 issue of the Journal of Afterlife and Underworlds. Many of the secrets–menu lists, exercise schedules, etc.–will not released because of the panic the information would be assumed to generate above ground. The focus of the article is instead on who is put where and why. Dante’s Inferno turns out to have been way off base.
The basic arrangement appears to be three persons per room, with each being a fundamentalist from a different religion. As they are placed in the room, they are instructed that the first of the three of them to convert the other two will be allowed a transfer to Heaven.
The researchers observed the rooms over the course of six months but found no one in any of the rooms to have escaped due to having converted their peers. What puzzled the scientists the most, particularly the sociologists among them, was that the rooms had unlocked doors. The otherwise-occupied occupants never bothered to check.
The study was the first and is expected to be the last to be jointly funded by the National Science Foundation and National Institutes of Health.